I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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