11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
