i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
