I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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