There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
