last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
