you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
