god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
