Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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