a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
