I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
