You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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