I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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