If that was your dad, he is hot
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
