fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
