How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
