If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
A+ Viking dick
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
