Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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