i need an iv and a liver transplant
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
