I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
