Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
