Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize