shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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