My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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