apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
