I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
