I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
