i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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