How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
