Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
