I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
