that's an acceptable place to lick
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
