How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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