where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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