Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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