I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
