Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
