I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
