Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The maid of honor just puked.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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