think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
