careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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