I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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