So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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