Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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