Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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