i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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