Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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