I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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