Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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