You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
