Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
