Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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