I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
