Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize