you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
