he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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