dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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