i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
