Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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