omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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