Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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