btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
