the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
