as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
