I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
