I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
