I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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