Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
