Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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