I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
