we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
