Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
