it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
