I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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