My friends, they love my intelligence
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
