The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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