Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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