you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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