no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
