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• (917): View more from New York City

  i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere

  (1-917): View more from New York City

  no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.

  (786): View more from Florida

  How high are you right now..

  (305): View more from Florida

  I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  oh. my. god. yes.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.

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• (516): View more from New York

  Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.

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• (808): View more from Hawaii

  drinks after work?

  (1-808): View more from Hawaii

  that question mark offends me.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?

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• (817): View more from Texas

  Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?

  (214): View more from Texas

  About that.

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• (912): View more from Georgia

  Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.

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