1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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