shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
