I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
