Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
