hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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