i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Help. Why am I so naked?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
